| Post from trying to practice principles before personalities |
[16 Dec 2011|09:27pm] |
Thought I would share part of my post.
...."I was angry at AA for not keeping me sober. I had stopped going to
meetings. Didn't understand crap. Duh, I didn't know what AA was about.
It's about spirituality, not just staying away from the booze. It's
about gaining a Higher Power, because I, alone, cannot live with this
defective thinking of alcoholism. God has helped me stay sober. God
helped me to realize that I can stay sober as long as I keep working the
program and helping other alcoholics.
I couldn't gain insight
into an Higher Power without the help of a sponsor. My sponsor had gone
through the 12 steps and had a spiritual awakening. He, then, helped me
paved the way to reaching my God of my own understanding. If anyone is
reading this and is in recovery and does not have a sponsor, GET ONE!
This will save your life."
W.
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| Stay sober with PAWS |
[15 Dec 2011|01:57pm] |
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I'm very new with the Reading Journal -- but I have started logging to deal with PAWS - Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome... I've learned a lot.
Thought I could help out as well as to learn from you guys.
W.
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| Still Sober! |
[24 Jun 2011|07:48am] |
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i hit 4 years and 5 months this week! it's been a while since i've posted.. still going to A.A. doing my best to work on the steps (ODAAT) talking to the sponsor and still working! p.s. i hear celebrity rehab starts a NEW show Sunday Night! peace..
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| sobriety log |
[27 Jan 2011|11:25pm] |
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Hi there, I just created this journal to document my recovery process. I am on my twelfth day sober and am 21 years old. I'm doing 90 in 90 right now - so far, so good. I would love it if I could share my journal with other recovering alcoholics. If anyone is doing the same thing I am and keeping a sober LJ, I would love to read it. Please friend me - Things are going great, but I need all the feedback as I can get. Best wishes to all of you!
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| De-Lurking |
[15 Dec 2010|12:11pm] |
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Hi, I'm an alcoholic and my problem is Alex, which is me. I've been watching this community for a week or so, while I was trying to detox from the worst relapse in my life. But I didn't think it'd be appropriate to post here until I had at least 24 hours of sobriety under my belt, which I now have and intend to continue. I admit I'm nervous posting here, I have a bit of social phobia, I have Aspergers Syndrome, and that all contributed to my drinking (i.e., I used it as a lame excuse), but I'd like to meet some people who are walking this road, so if you're comfortable doing so, feel free to add me. Before this relapse I had two years of relatively pain-free sobriety. Prior to that a series of four or so drinking binges, and prior to THAT, six years of contented sobriety. So I know it can be done. I'm only 27 years old, and if you do your math you'll realize I was a full-blown alcoholic by the age of fourteen or fifteen (I live in Europe, where you're practically given alc with the breast milk). Right now, detoxing and seeing to it that my life doesn't go down the crapper is pretty much taking up all of my energy, but I did want to introduce myself and say hi. :)
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[09 Aug 2010|08:58pm] |
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I got a message from someone wondering about how I was doing because I haven't posted in awhile I thought I would take the time to write a quick something.
I am still sober. I have stopped counting the days, exactly but I have a rough idea. About 1 year and 7 months.
I get better each and every day. My head is clear since I stopped drinking, and I have been able to think about my future and what I want. My husband and I decided we wanted to start trying to have a family. We have a house now, and we are both settled in our jobs, however we may not be able to. When I heard that from the doctor I almost lost it. I wanted to drink, but i didn't.
So I am grateful for that.
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| a monument of this massive waste of an afternoon (no, the irony is not lost on me...) |
[16 Jul 2010|07:26pm] |
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hi all, new member here. i'm a generally 'alt' (queer raver boy) who is making the transition from a self-destructive spiral of polydrug abuse, to a lifestyle of wellness and moderation, developing the skills of self-restraint that I let slide so far. i've done pretty much everything you can think of and learned quite a bit about which substances i can use sometimes and which i must never use again, and perhaps most importantly to never fool myself into thinking i 'don't have an addictive personality'.
( frank honest life story behind the cut, might be triggering but please read to understand where i'm coming from... )
but yeah, as you might have guessed from the obscene length of this writing, I relapsed on speed today, with the thought that I was going to 'get a lot of work done on personal projects'... So much for that, huh? I'm not beating myself up over it, just gonna dust myself off and get back on the wagon, because it's become very clear that the same problems that made me want to quit in the first place are still around, and am posting this to have a solid reminder that this is going to happen next time too, and that the only way I'll be truly, genuinely productive is to work harder at self improvement. aside from my private reminders, this livejournal has gone a bit neglected but I'd like to start using it again to build up a support network of folks, as well as to post art again once I'm ready. so if my story sounds familiar to you and you'd like to be friends, introduce yourself, and I'll friend you, i don't have a lot of people in a similar place to me right now to vent or discuss things with and i've been told I'm great at inspiring and giving honest advice to others :)
I guess if i had to boil all that down into what would have been a REASONABLE post and point of discussion, it would be:
What are some non-chemical techniques you've used to rebuild genuine motivation, will-power and self-esteem to compensate after cessation of long-term dependence on stimulants?
One that's been a huge help so far is working tons of exercise into my routine - now that I have natural bursts of energy again and a healthy appetite, I look forward to the endorphin rush of working up a sweat riding my bike to work and back every day and lifting weights 2-3 times a week. I could never keep myself working out on my own motivation, then when I joined the gym that I ride my bike past on my way home and found a workout buddy with a similar schedule I had no excuse not to but my own laziness. If you can afford drugs, you can afford a gym membership :) Plus, it has the added benefit of compensating for the distorted metabolism and relentless hunger that I now have to deal with. Hope it goes away soon.
Can't believe I spent 3 hours writing this post!!! AAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! What happened to my productive afternoon? How could the answer be any more obvious? I don't know whether to laugh or cry... Time to step away from the keyboard.
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| Friend whoring ;) |
[16 Jul 2010|02:26am] |
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Hey, I'm sort of whoring for friends at the moment. Haven't been on LJ very much over the past year and I need new peoples to spice things up. I'm not currently sober on a daily basis but I'm making some progress in climbing back on the wagon. Its been more difficult this time. I was practically date raped a few weeks ago. Its been traumatic and nightmarish to say the least. And no matter what anyone says, no one can help but blame themselves when they got themselves intoxicated, thereby allowing the person to take advantage. I do however, realize that this person was an asshole and that no one has the right to violate the rights of another. Anyway... so its been difficult this time around. I'm not wild about NA or AA or any of the A's really. I attend every once in a while with a friend of mine or sometimes I'll go to some meetings here and there on my own but my philosophy about sobriety isn't exactly in keeping with all of the 12 steps. I draw alot of strength from Buddhism as my spiritual foundation and at various times in my life, its been life changing when I utilize it. Books like "Dharma Punx" have been nothing short of inspirational for me. So much so, that I run a community based on it ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif?v=92.2) dharmapunks. Anyway...thats enough outta me. Add if you like and I'll return the favor.
Namaste
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| 8 days clean |
[15 May 2010|08:12pm] |
hello all,
day, well night eight since my last fix and i'm slowly starting to fell better, not good, but better. question, is it odd that i don't desire to attend NA meetings because i don't think it's a good idea to be around addicts, in the past, of course not in a NA setting i'd be around other addicts and what did we do, not stay sober but go and score. i may have to go and see a drug consulor one on one, but one things for sure...i'm glad to out from under that sick
xoxoxoxo
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| Checking in after a looooong time away~ |
[04 May 2010|09:53am] |
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Celebrated a birthday a few months after nearly 3 years of being in merciless relapse cycle. One of my mentors made a good point, he said "Mike, I don't really believe you were in a relapse cycle. It's not a relapse if you didn't have any recovery. Your recovery now is infinitely different then your past periods of sobriety." I had to reflect on what he was telling me and admit, he had a very valid point. It's not that I didn't try to do steps before, but when they talk about the "miracle", well...there really is no other way to explain it. It's not that I wanted it more this time or that I was better prepared, it's simply...it happened as it was supposed to. I keep this in mind now s I work with sponsees, remembering to be compassionate over judgemental, patient over frustrated and grateful over complacent. The last several months have been filled with countless "growing pains" and though they have been painful, they have promoted some measure of change. I'm not looking towards tomorrow or regretting yesterday, but dealing with this moment and trying to apply our principles in each situation that presents itself. And of course...more will be revealed. Sending luv to all my brothers and sisters in recovery, welcome to a brand new day~
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| A reward and reminder |
[17 Apr 2010|11:39pm] |
In February I celebrated one year of sobriety. All of my life I had wanted a tattoo, but I was always too afraid to get one. After reaching my one year I decided now was the time to do it.
Last weekend I got a tattoo on my back of a blue elephant, with a symbol of sobriety tattooed on it's butt:) and also the date of my sobriety.
Now I have a constant reminder of what I have achieved, and what I risk losing.
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| Resentments and Politics. |
[02 Apr 2010|09:18am] |
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I am nearly 15 years sober. I got to regular meetings. I sponsor people regularly. I am almost always working with a newcomer. I have two homegroups and hold a chair position for our local intergroup (PI/CPC). I am active in the fellowship, go to outings, have regular contact with AA'rs. I go through the steps regularly...as I work with sponsees, of course... with my sponsor or a group about every year to year and a half.
I haven't posted on LJ in about a year. ( But........ )
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| Proud to Soon Be 14 Weeks Clean and Sober |
[31 Mar 2010|09:37pm] |
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After two stints in rehab (I wouldn't wish trazadone on anyone...that sent me on a wild ride), I'm proud to be 13 weeks clean and sober of cocaine, hydrocodone and alcohol. Saturday will mark week 14!!!
Got a few questions (just so I know where I'm at in my recovery):
1.)When does the cravings go away? I've polished off several bags of Smarties everytime I get stressed (I tell everyone it beats the alternative). Someone told me it's my body craving the sugar that is no longer supplied by alcohol. I wonder when it's going to go away, because I would love to get back to my pre alcohol body (20 pounds lighter).
2.)Since I left treatment (and got bounced from a program for not following the rules...like continually getting high), I have been known to totally isolate myself from everyone. Is that common??? Trying to do whatever I can to change that. It's not easy. I remind myself, I'm not alone in this...not by a long shot.
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| humility and honesty |
[14 Mar 2010|07:45pm] |
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Dontcha just love learning that you have more to learn...or that possibly you are lying to yourself....take the comment I just made in a meeting today "I dont consider myself to be selfish, just self-centered...blah blah blah" what a load of crap. I AM selfish.... Someone later spoke about praying for God's will and realizing that he only wanted God's will if it worked out good for himself....that kind of wake up call.... yeah, totally know what he means, because that's who I am!!!
Anyways....love being a work in progress, and am still hoping God's will doesn't bring me much pain in the near future.....
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| Hi I'm Ray |
[12 Mar 2010|12:57pm] |
6 months sober.
I am proud of myself, I probably shouldn't be excited until i hit the 5 year mark but it wasn't easy. IT'S BEEN COMPLETELY MADDENING
I took all that swirling uncomfortableness of actually having to feel my emotions and overflowing with anger and put it to a more healthy outlet (this could be argued)
I joined the Roller Derby team in my town, and LOVE IT! and every time I leave practice i think "golly, this is more fun than I remember getting high/drunk ever was"
Started to go to therapy outside of drug therapy, which is... more money *cries* BUT IT'S ABOUT QUALITY OF LIFE, RITE?
Looking into Buddhism, don't really know all that much but I bought a couple books and am learning. Going back to college in a month or so, I think I'm going to look into becoming an art teacher or some kind of literature teacher (high school level)
Unfortunately, my drug councilor doesn't see this as being "active" in my recovery... which is pretty frustrating on my end. well, POO on you Mr.Drug Councilor... I think being active in my life is being active in my recovery D:<
well, I hope all of you are doing well!
Ray
p.s. nice to meet you!
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| small meetings |
[28 Feb 2010|10:04am] |
Going to a meeting tonight that consists of 2 "regulars" I would make 3 if my sporadic in and out (of the meeting, not the program) were to count.... I made plans with my sponsor to meet @ this meeting an hour early just to be sure that I would make time for this meeting....One, I love small meetings, there can be more sharing and intimacy and less "embarrassment" although once I came through the doors of this program I relinquished my ability to hold that feeling.....at least I should've.... and Two, I hate for meetings to die...I helped form this meeting around 6 or 7 years ago and it has moved geographically but its still there.... HOnestly I hate the time of it.... I love my sunday evenings at home...really like to bbq (or pizza) and chill with the family without any outside activities before the work week begins....BUT I like that its available...too many times I have been in that meeting and we get people from out of town that saw us on a website or the church referred...they just needed a meeting and thank god (HP) that we were there :)
I went to a meeting last week because I decided I needed the women there and it was only two of us at the beginning...she said, well what do you want to do if no one else shows up...I shrugged and said, I will stay for an hour, no biggie....because seriously, two weeks prior I was in dispair, on the phone with my sponsor, crying in the rain and I hiked to that meeting...I was a 1/2 hour late but was welcomed.... and I was so glad that there were people there to care for me when I could not care for myself....
think I'm gonna crosspost this....
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[22 Feb 2010|08:48pm] |
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Got to a meeting....wanted to say thanks to you all that are here...Sometimes its nice knowing someone else is out there and has felt this way.
I went to my "home" meeting....a women's group that got me sober...they have all sponsored me, supported me, and been my higher power at one time or another.
And, I was honest..... its not easy and isnt easy to feel it again but somehow I feel better. I know I am loved, even if its someone who doesnt know me and loves me because I am another struggling alcoholic.
Grateful to be here, thanks
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| footwork |
[20 Feb 2010|11:59pm] |
I need a meeting......... Guess I just need to say that. I have been experiencing problems living life on life's terms lately.. Not sure if I am sabataging my marriage or just married to an asshole...anyhow this and the fact that I have recently quit smoking has led me to more meetings and talks with my sponsor....Since Ive been breezing along complacently this means I talk to her about once a week and maybe one or two meetings a week (mostly one) so......I have room to improve I'm sure.
Anyways, not feeling good right now, not feeling like calling my sponsor (I know, I know...) so I just thought I would say...I need a meeting....if only to say out loud My name is...and I am an alcoholic.
Grateful for the choice to stay sober today
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| My how time flies..... |
[01 Feb 2010|06:16pm] |
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In 9 days, I will be one year sober.
In 9 days, I will be able to say that out loud.
When I first stopped drinking, well, before I even stopped, I year seemed like an eternity to me. It seemed unreachable, unthinkable, unimaginable. Now, it seems possible.
I am so proud of me:) I never thought I had it in me:)
I, am almost one year sober.....
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